i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize