i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
