apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
