is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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