i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize