His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
