glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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