Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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