First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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