Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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