if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
