Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
