so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
