carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
