last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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