Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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