are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i came on her dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize