there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize