Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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