my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
