Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
