Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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