call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They took my balls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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