I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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