So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
