So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
