I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
