omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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