so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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