You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
