i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, he came in my armpit
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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