My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
