guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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