I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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