It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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