I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
