oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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