He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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