Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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