So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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