Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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