Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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