Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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