It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize