Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
