so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
