but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
