she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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