I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
