I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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