3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
