We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
