In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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