So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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