By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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