my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
