And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
