I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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