My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
