If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
