I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
