I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
