she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
