Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Damn victory sex feels great
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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