i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
