fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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